The Loaded Question

We all know it. We all dread it. But we can all expect it. You see someone that you haven't seen in awhile. Maybe it's a friend of a friends or a friend of your parents. Maybe they have heard about your child through the grapevine but aren't around you all the time and they approach and say those four simple yet incredibly loaded words. How is your daughter? 

See, this would be an easy question if they asked "how are your children?" Then you could quickly answer "great" or "so much fun" or my favorite "growing up so fast." But these words are directed at your special needs child and you know it. You know that you can't get by with the standard answers, these people want more. They are caring and praying and they want to know. 

So if you are like me, your mind quickly tries to access a few things. Is this person a Facebook friend? If so, is it likely they read my posts? And if they read my posts, do they also read my blog? See, this matters, because I don't want to repeat information they already know but I also don't want to narcissistically assume they follow my life that closely. 

So generally I start with a response like "she's doing better, progressing slowly everyday" and I wait for a follow up. This is the tell. A lot of times the person responds with "I have been praying, but I'm not sure what is going on with her?" This means they are not reading my blog... No biggie... But it also means there is way too much to explain to someone I barely know. My typical response at this point is "the doctors say it is some sort of muscle disease, we are not sure the severity but she is continuing to progress so we are thrilled." It is amazing how easily those words roll off my tongue now. NOTHING about muscle disease thrills me but it seems to work in small talk about big subjects. 

If I get a response like "I heard she is being tested for this or that" then I know they have either read my blog or talked to someone who has. Then it's a whole other ballgame but my answer is still generally just as simple "we are still waiting" and then I add something cheerful like "but we are hopeful." That's the thing. When talking to acquaintances or friends of family, I think it is important to keep it cheerful. When talking to friends or family, I think that is when you can say how crappy things really seem. Also I like to say it to a bunch of randoms on the Internet in this blog. But if you see me in person I'll try to always be cheerful (wink.) 

The truth is I can not tell you in 5 minutes how my precious complicated mysterious  daughter is. I can give you half answers and fluffy hallmark answers. But if you want the truth, we will need a lot longer than 5 minutes and I will need you to get to know my Charlotte and love on her and watch her grow. I know people will continue to ask and I am ok with that. But maybe the better questions are: What new thing does Charlotte do? What is Charlotte's favorite song? How are Max and Charlotte getting along? Because sometimes I would like to talk to you about more than just her disease. And if you want to talk her disease maybe ask "what can I pray for" or "what do you guys need." That way I won't have to rack my brain of my child's entire medical history to decide what is relevant to share. 

All that being said, I do thank you for caring. I thank you for noticing. We are all in this learning together. And Charlotte is doing well, making great strides everyday!