The Upset in My Plans Part 1

Most people that know me, know that I am not a huge fan of change. I don't like surprises and I love researching and planning ahead. In full discretion I was even told once in a job review that I lacked flexibility. So naturally, I have always had a plan for my life.

My sister loves quoting John Lennon when he said "life is what happens when you are busy making other plans." As much as that quote makes me crazy, it is pretty accurate and has proved true more than once in my life. I had always planned on being married by 22, I got married at 24. I planned on graduating college and becoming a kindergarten teacher, I finished a lot of college but never got my degree but was lucky enough to teach preschool. I had planned on having 3-5 children all 3 years apart some biological and some adopted. 3 girls and 2 boys. Hahahahah. Although part of this plan is still possible although my husband would say "no way!" One part is not, the 3 years apart.

Let's go back in time. First I have to say, neither of our children were exactly planned. Charlotte came during the most stressful year of our lives but quickly turned it all around. More on that another day. This is about our number two, our spirited Max. On November 1st, 2013 at Charlotte's 4 month checkup, her doctors told us something was wrong. Our baby was going to have problems, probably life long problems. The months that followed we didn't know (we still don't know) if what she has is genetic. So we made the decision to hold off on another baby for awhile. Which was fine with me, 3 year plan and all. 

Fast forward to spring, we sort of let our guard down a little. Sorry that's probably a little TMI. And yep, there was a small chance I was pregnant. We joked about how crazy it would be to be pregnant and have a 8 month old daughter with undiagnosed special needs and then we forgot about it again.

 Then one Sunday night, Neal and Charlotte went to a family dinner and I stayed behind because I wasn't feeling well. (Uhh duh) While he was gone I was bored and remembered there was a pregnancy test under the sink. Who does this when they are bored? I don't know?? But I did and yep two lines right away. Immediately fear rushed through my body, I had just been pregnant!!! How was this possible?! Charlotte was still a baby. This was the worst news ever! I called Neal and made him come home discreetly and immediately. 

It took a few months for me to warm to the idea of bringing another human being into our family. It was so unfair to Lottie. I would be splitting my love. I would be taking away her time and attention. She couldn't understand this. This totally sucked! Needless to say I was very depressed. 

Then we found out it was a boy. My heart softened a little. I felt as if the competition wouldn't be as thick. Maybe this would be ok. Maybe life could move foreward. 

To be continued...